by Jackson Van Meter
Tim’s friend George the lobster, from Jersey, wanted him to defray the expenses he paid to rent out the movie theater for Tim’s fifth birthday party. Tim told him he will get him the money, but Tim didn’t know if he could escape his bondage to the Fluffy Kitty Gang from the upper west side. Tim told him times were tough for his possy, but then again, Tim is a very credible Kitty Gang member. Tim promised him that even if he didn’t come up with the money eventually, he would atone the costs with tickets to the Pumpkin Joust. Tim is a diligent business man himself with stock holdings as far as the eye can see (at least for a five year old), so he understands this predicament. Tim’s plan for getting George this money is very lucid. Tim will make the kitties hew to these stocks as long as possible, then right before the sale he will hamper the transaction of the stocks, held by the ‘401 Kitty’ group, so that he can secretly dump them himself and make a small million. The ‘401 Kitties’ won’t know what hit them! The impoverished kitties will be doomed. George, after reading through a more thorough plan, sent via email, was flabbergasted! Ghastly George turned as white as a lobster can get through his exoskeleton, and made a prompt response to this astounding plan. George tried not to taunt the five year old too much (for fear of hurting his feelings), so he eased into telling him his plan was completely bonkers. George said he had a plan that could supplant his plan. George then went on to claim that the fifty dollars worth of movie tickets was no biggie, and the thought of the doleful kittens after losing a small million really ‘pinched’ at his little lobster heart. George proposed that instead of hurting someone else to get what he needs that Tim could simply come work for him to pay off his debt. George’s office could certainly use some cleaning. George also told Tim that if he does some really thorough, superfluous work and makes his office nice and prim, he may lose his tenacious hold on receiving the owed money all together and pay YOU! Tim, on reading George’s email response, replied with the sardonic response that George’s office was underwater, and that he can’t breath underwater! George, being not so impressed with Tim’s sudden rude remarks, responded with some remarks of his own. After George composed himself from a short roast session, he told Tim there was an incessant passenger submarine route that could take him from the docks to his office on 31st. He also told him that he will need scuba gear for when he gets off the sub, and recommended a few good rental places. Tim was a little worried about the intricate look of the scuba equipment at first, but after a short class he was very excited to get going. Unfortunately, someone who had been stalking this email conversation found Tim’s plan and used it. That is why the emails have been released posthumously. The Bureau of Under Sea Affairs (BUSA) made it this way, as Tim and George were promptly arrested on arriving at his office for their sneaky schemes, that uncovered some past frauds and scams.